As a finish up what was a world-wind of a 4-week summer teaching-assistantship, I’m reflecting back on the experience as well as those that came before it, wondering “how did I do that?” So much has happened in the past four weeks, in the past year, in the past two years, and despite the many challenges I’ve encountered, I somehow ended up here. It wasn’t always pretty, or graceful, but I made it to this moment.
I continue to be amazed by how much my practices on the mat resonate with life off the mat. When I first started going to ODD (about a year and a half ago! crazy!), one of my favorite yoga homies (s/o to Alexis!) would often tell us to “find the dance” in class. While I loved the idea of imaging myself as a dancer, my lack of graceful movement and sometimes, my complete inability to perform certain poses, prevented me from fully engaging this metaphor. Over time, however, I’ve realized that the dance is not not one of pure grace. It is not moving effortlessly. It is not being able to perform every pose perfectly. Instead, the dance is what happens when you embrace life and all its realness. You tap into your human ability to adapt and respond. You find flow in the chaos.
As I look back on my first two years of my PhD program, my first two years in Los Angeles, it wasn’t always graceful. My lines weren’t straight as they could of been, my leaps weren’t as high. But the fact that I’m here now, in this moment, looking back makes me confident that despite my clumsiness – despite the fact that my branches always blow in tree pose – I’ve found my flow.